Embassy Lament - Chess In Concert

Oh, my dear how boring

He’s defecting

Just like all the others

He’s expecting

Us to be impressed

With what he’s done here

But he hasn’t stopped

To think about the paperwork

His gesture causes--

We’ve an embassy to run here

If these people can’t strike

Blows for freedom

With a valid visa

We don’t need 'em

If we seem offhand

Then please remember

This is nothing very special

He’s the fourth we’ve had

Since last November

Who do these foreign

Chappies think they are?

And when he’s safely in the West

He’ll be the subject to discuss

The media will lionize him

Fame and fortune plus

No-one will recall

It’s thanks to us

You have a wife?

Yes

You have two children?

Yes

And they’re not coming with you?

No, not for the moment

You play chess.

You are good at it?

Oh.

I hear you’re world champion

Since yesterday

That’s still good

(sung)

Have you an appointment

With the consul?

If you don’t we know

What his response’ll be

He will not see you--

With respect it buggers up

His very taxing schedule

Pushing peace and understanding

Let us hope this won’t affect it

Far too many jokers cross the border

Not a single document in order

Russia must be empty

Though we’re all for

Basic human rights

It makes you wonder

What they built the Berlin Wall for--

Who do these foreign

Chappies think they are?

And when you’ve

Filled in all the forms

And been passed clear of all disease

Debriefed, debugged

Dedrugged, disarmed

And disinfected, please

Don’t forget the guys

Who cut your keys