Mariner Fever - David Roth

I had a mild case of Mariner Fever

Not a very bad case, but a case just the same

I was casually intrigued by the citywide fervor

All stirred up by each baseball game

So I came home one night with my Mariner Fever

My wife was immune but the damage was done

When I turned on the game to appease my addiction

She went out and purchased a gun

Here’s to Randy and Edgar and Tino and Junior

Dave Neihaus, the Groz, and to Joey and Jay

They’re the ones who infected the Emerald City

With something that won’t go away

I went to a doctor for Mariner Fever

She said she was sure it would weaken right down

When the astro-turf pollen inside of the Kingdome

Had settled in some other town

Soon the plague had gone eastward and made it to Cleveland

The folks in Ohio were not very pleased

They were up to their ears in some Indian virus

Systemically taunted and chronically teased

Here’s to Sojo and Bosio and Benes and Blowers

To Belcher and Strange and to luck and to Lou

They’re the ones who infected a whole population

Who had nothing better to do

So if you were afflicted with Mariner Fever

Remember that help is a phone call away

There’s a 1−800 number for special diseases

Erupting on Election Day

It’s a hot-line to action, the State Legislature

So ever-responsive with votes on the line

With emergency sessions to build some new ballpark

When the old one is working just fine

The old one is working just fine

Here’s to Norm Rice (the mayor) and Lowrey (the governor), and Mariner Fever

And to all of the folks who stood up for the team

If they made the same effort to fight against homelessness

Hunger and AIDS

Unemployment, and ignorance

crime and confusion

Injustice, intolerance

Racists and drug deals

And domestic violence

That would be okay with me

I’d have Mariner Fever with glee