Merry F'n Christmas - Denis Leary

Ol' Saint Nick’s got bourbon breath

It’s so cold you could catch your death

A cop sold me some crystal meth

It’s a Merry Fucking Christmas

Everything’s so Christmas-y

The streets are twinkling with frozen pee

My priest just sat on Santa’s knee

It’s a Merry Fucking Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em (brings 'em)

Unless they’re Jewish or Muslim or some other gyp religion

Crappy toys flying off the shelves

Midgets dressed up to look like elves

Spread good cheer or burn in hell

It’s a Merry Fucking Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night to dream what Santa brings 'em

Unless they’re Jewish or Muslim or some other gyp religion

Cracklin' fires to keep me warm

And my collection of Asian porn

Cradle my bells and work my horn

It’s a keep on truckin', last year suckin', midget chuckin', slap the puckin',

how much wood could a wood chuck chuckin', Merry Fucking Christmas

HO HO HO!

Shut up!

*slap noise*