If You Ever - Gilbert O'Sullivan

If you ever go to school

Then you’ll know that it’s a fool

Who believes a teachers pet

Is a pupil like yourself

For if I remember well

My old teachers was a belt

Which he kept around his shoulder blade

There for the mistakes we made

Have you ever been to sea

And been told reluctantly

That if you have one more drink

We’re all liable to sink

If you have all I can say

Is have a happy holiday

And don’t come back without a tan

Especially from a far off land

Funny old world this

Or haven’t you noticed

Everything’s glued on

Nothing is screwed on

One day we will come unstuck

But until then we’re in luck

If you ever feel the need

To go out and plant a seed

Then by all means go ahead

I won’t stop you but instead

I will tell you where to go

And the seeds that you can grow

And by way of payment back I think

You could buy us all a drink

Funny old world this

Or haven’t you noticed

Nothing is certain

Gone for a burton

Something must be done they say

But for the moment it can wait