First Trimester - Illogic

I love her now, and even after death

she’s my breath

the only other close to my heart?

my mother

I’m scared, but prepared to give my child what I was never given, a life

with its father and its mother, its wife

I know realize my eyes see the horizon

I’m no longer looking for a kaleidoscope to climb in accepting my scenery, my fate parallel to grace

I know I’m in love every time my eyes touch her face

I love him, but I’m not ready to spring a life into this world

I’m only 17, myself still a little girl

I need my family too much to lose them for him

but I need him by my side also, I’ll have his baby someday

he’s the only one I see in my future, but now’s not the time

we still have things to experience and live out our lives

I can’t do it, I’ve decided.

I’m only two months now

but how can I tell the love of my life that I’ve murdered his child?

alone she sits, with oceans of regret soaking optics

heart ripped to shreds with visions of a dead sea

no words can emerge from voice box to explain

the understood hate that seemed to fuel his pain

his vital organ pounds till his chest starts to vibrate

emotions unusual trapped in delusional mind state

he knows not what to feel, or what to say

how to react to the fact of, should he leave or should he stay?

a cloud of sorrow hovers above the two broken spirits

without a clue

gloom so thick that love can’t shine through

he’s thinkin, here I stand, face to face with my angel

as the blood of our child soaks her hands

the hate I hold is a product of the love she evokes

so in an obscure way, I understand

with arms outstretched, she lies his head upon her chest

and she cries and continues to apologize

you know that I love you (I love you)

and you won’t be to blame if after this action, you never utter my name

but I need time to mature before I give birth

we need time to explore and find what we’re worth

one day I’ll have your seed

even if the sun rays burn out and the starlight bleeds

their eyes meet, and lips touch

I love yous are exchanged

and eyes lock till tear ducts flood with rivers of pain

love won’t let them leave, there was a hold on his heart

as much as my death hurt, it couldn’t tear them apart

so now I rest on clouds with other aborted missions

I forgive you and understand the purpose of your decision

I hope this story of my life hits the depth of many souls

and when you want to tell me you love me, you don’t have to cause I know