Rose Potion - Johanna Warren

The dead walk behind me

Though I do not recognize their faces

I know they are here to remind me

Of the space between the spaces

I’m drinking down a potion

I decocted from the roses in my garden

When my spirits told me

They could feel my heart was hardening

What you call God

I call the mysteries of the Universe

What difference does it really make after all?

If we had another chance to do it right

I’d give it all I had

Just like I did before when you left me with nothing at all

The darkness this has brought upon me

Hungers for the pain, like when I was young

And losing teeth

Which I loved to wiggle so deliciously with my tongue

Now I see you’re not a perfect prism

Just the perfect foil for my masochism

Tell me, do I look different to you

In light of our little cataclysm?

What you call God

I call the mysteries of the Universe

What difference does it really make after all?

If we had another chance to do it right

I’d give it all I had

Just like I did before when you left me with nothing at all

I’m tired and I feel ashamed

Of how I’ve let my narcissism reign untamed

And yet I know that to blame myself

Is part of the same old game

The only way to get free is to die

Without dying

And I’m ready to give it a try

At least I think so — but to change is terrifying

What you call God

I call the mysteries of the Universe

What difference does it really make after all?

If we had another chance to do it right

I’d give it all I had

Just like I did before when you left me with nothing at all

They kissed my petals with their vapor lips

And savored my salty fingertips

And cradled me in thorny

Branches til the morning came