Bronze Adonis - John Cooper Clarke

She didn’t like the rib cage / the coat-hanger hips

The razor-sharp shoulder blades / always give her jip

She’s reading Edward De Bono under the palms

He sprays Odorono under his arms

I was to say the least alarmed

When the bronze adonis got her…

I lay beneath the parasol / watched him with the chicks

Horsing around with his aerosol / they whispered about his odd trick

«Send no cash… fear no man / you can be a love leviathan»

She’s a fan of the man with a tan from a can

The bronze adonis got her

Mr and Mrs Universe / the folks who live in the gym

Each night she sleeps in a room marked her / he sleeps in a room marked him

Muscle bound for stardom / the apollo of your eye

Can’t seem to get a hard on / oh Christ i wonder why

The bronze adonis got her

They honeymoon on muscle beach to cries of «beat it mac»

He plucks some puny pansy’s peach / how do you like that

The bronze adonis got her

There stands the body gorgeous / men worship girls admire

He bravely bears the scourges and the squelch of squashed desire

What a physical jerk / no time for sex

Where’s me bleedin' bullworker, baby oil and leopard kecks

Oh yeah / the bronze adonis got her

Hubba hubba yum yum wow / what a hunk of beef

Who made you the sacred cow / who hangs around his briefs

In the corner sauna / with his mates

Wanking away unwanted weight

That’s his idea of a heavy date

The bronze adonis got her