Skullcrusher Mountain - Jonathan Coulton

Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain

I hope that you’ve enjoyed your stay so far

I see you’ve met my assistant Scarface

His appearance is quite disturbing

But I assure you he’s harmless enough

He’s a sweetheart, calls me master

And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me

I’m so into you

But I’m way too smart for you

Even my henchmen think I’m crazy

I’m not surprised that you agree

If you could find some way to be

A little bit less afraid of me You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head

Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you

But I get the feeling that you don’t like it What’s with all the screaming?

You like monkeys, you like ponies

Maybe you don’t like monsters so much

Maybe I used too many monkeys

Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

I’m so into you

But I’m way too smart for you

Even my henchmen think I’m crazy

I’m not surprised that you agree

If you could find some way to be

A little bit less afraid of me You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head

Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine

While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere

And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive

But it won’t mean half as much to me if I don’t have you here

You know it isn’t easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain

Maybe you could cut me just a little slack

Would it kill you to be civil?

I’ve been patient, I’ve been gracious

And this mountain is covered with wolves

Hear them howling, my hungry children

Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you

I’m so into you

But I’m way too smart for you

Even my henchmen think I’m crazy

I’m not surprised that you agree

If you could find some way to be

A little bit less afraid of me You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head

Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

I shouldn’t kill you yet

I shouldn’t kill you yet