His Majesty the Baby - Momus

I hate his majesty the baby

His bowels and bladder uncontrolled

Sitting astride a throne of nappies

As though his shit were made of gold

As though a cherub on a fountain

He suckles breasts as big as mountains

Then pisses freely on the women

Who so lovingly surround him

I hate his majesty the baby

The bald and dribbling little git

The polymorphous little pervert

In every orifice a fluid

Born in a filthy burst of semen

Some tosser planted in a woman

The spitting image of a tosspot

Let us assassinate the despot!

And if you cooing mothers should come cooing around me

Will you be ready for the struggle, the struggle to be free

From the instincts of your gender, from your social role as mothers

When I execute your tyrant will you claim me as your saviour

Or simply tear a traitor limb from limb

Fuck my imbecile brother, then begin again?

I hate his majesty the baby

In my pathetic jealousy

I hear the voices of the ladies

Demanding what he’s done to me?

This bastard’s shitting on my shirt

I’m deep in excrement and dirt

I demand a revolution!

I demand an execution!

I’m well versed in fencing, playing the lute, and rhetoric

I am toilet trained and elegant, an effervescent wit

But the girls prefer the company of a balding little pisser

It is mothers who make men misogynists

They could have kissed me, they chose to kiss

A stupid, stinky little pool of piss

I hate you, imbecilic women

Who gawp around His Majesty

Don’t you know he’ll grow up, God willing

A twisted little shit like me?

I tossed him off one day at lunchbreak

One human life is not that difficult to make

Let us assassinate this despot!

His Imperial Majesty the tosspot

O King, now you have reached the Age of Reason

The facts of life are laced with treason

There is going to be a sudden palace coup

And my new mistress, Madame Guillotine, will soon be nursing you…

Crooked smiles from toothless gums

A grating voice and a stinky bum

Mongol eyes and a toothless grin

The king is naked -- let’s do him in!

It’s time to rise up free from tyranny

Wouldn’t you rather be with me?

I’ll show you, ladies, LIFE

And its imperial majesty