The Student - Shane Koyczan

I don’t believe in them

but, somewhere there are gods hiding inside of their own heads

using all of their might trying to stop their own eardrums

from pounding out the sound of your name

You are lightning trying to tame thunder

leaving split second scars against the sky

as if you were breaking the skin of something that won’t die

My first instinct is the same as my second

strongly reinforced as if by diamond sheeting

that donated its glimmer to charity so that it can look dull and tough

A shine now scuffed as if the world left a bruise on light

I fight my instinct long enough to realize that I won’t win

I give in surrendering to an impulse

somewhat believing that my imprisonment will not involve torture

if I can confess everything I know

I know nothing

I bring an emptiness to your need

like a dog laying a skeleton at your feet

bone by bone

I lay stone all around you in a circle,

as if any moment you will burst into flame

and warm us long enough so that I can tell you my ghost story

But part of me still haunts my memory

It throws chairs against my mirrored mind

cracking the reflections in which I once thought I would find answers

if I reflect long enough

There will be answers

But like mail on a Sunday none came

So I sit before flowers hoping they will train me in the art of opening up

I stand on mountain tops believing that avalanches will teach me to let go

I know nothing

but I am here to learn