I Can't Stand Myself - Loudon Wainwright III

I sure can pick 'em

Out looking for my next victim

Who will that unlucky one be?

Oh there’s lots shaking

No they’re not all taken

There’s someone out there

Just imperfect for me

There must be some kind of waitress

I could lure under my mattress

If I ply her with chitchat and wine

How’s about a rich heiress

Or a nice massage therapist

I could use some hands-on treatment all of the time

I’m done with you, finally we’re through

The whole thing was all wrong

At last I’m free, I’m back with me

But that won’t be for long

I can’t stand myself

Yeah I’m bar hopping

I’m out girlfriend shopping

I’m trying to find somebody to bring home

To meet my dear sweet mother

She’s thinking oh no here comes another one

But she knows I just can’t leave it alone

I got this sneaking suspicion

It’s more than just a little like fishing

You bait up your hook

And then you throw out your line

Yeah I’m out beating the bushes

Scoping out smiles, checking out tushes

I’m out on the lookout just about all of the time

We both tried nobody died

But I feel damned near dead

I miss you but I’m really blue

Cause I’m back with me instead

I can’t stand myself

I sure can pick em

I’m looking for my next victim

Who will that unlucky one be?