The Beckmanns - Momus

My brother is a brat, a wank stain in a hat

My sister is a strumpet in a nun

And Dad is on the Hock, naked on the dock

Who says making money isn’t fun?

The Beckmanns could be normal if the city wasn’t mad

But who could stop the rot when it began?

Now Father is a fat lady in a hat

And Mother is a gentleman

My cousin, he’s a singer, popular with fleas

My uncle’s been in prison for a year

And I’ve got the disease, my brother likes to tease

Of walking off with stuff that isn’t there

The Beckmanns could be normal if the city wasn’t mad

But who could stop the rot when it began?

Now Father is a fat lady in a hat

And Mother is a gentleman

The lightbulb starts to swing when the neighbours stagger in

And they begin to bugger and to fist

Father plays the sousaphone and everybody groans

It soon has Mother drinking like a fish

The Beckmanns could be normal if the city wasn’t mad

But who could stop the rot when it began?

Now Father is a fat lady in a hat

And Mother is a gentleman

The mongrel’s got the runs, up there on the sun

Which probably explains why it is brown

And Father is a fat lady in a hat

And Mother is a gentleman

Nobody’s impressed when the actors get undressed

We simply cannot understand the fuss

Cos everything they do is made of sand and glue

They’re parrots doing parodies of us

The Beckmanns could be normal if the city wasn’t mad

But who could stop the rot when it began?

Father is a fat wank stain in a hat

And Mother is from Amsterdam

Mother’s swigging schnapps and Father’s playing craps

With the creep we call the Fisher King

And Jesus is at large, standing on a barge

Heading up to Hamburg for the spring

The Beckmanns could be normal if the city wasn’t mad

But who can stop the rot when it’s begun

Father is a fat bugger in a hat

And Mother is a gentleman